Vipassanā (Pāli) literally means, “special-seeing”. It is a Buddhist term that is often translated as “insight”, and is one of two qualities of the mind developed in Buddhist meditation. Vipassana is a modern Theravada practice popularized by S.N. Goenka, who is the posthumous leader of almost all Vipassana retreats in India and indeed the world. You can find all his ten-day video discourses on Youtube.
Vipassana meditation uses mindfulness of breathing, combined with the contemplation of impermanence to gain insight into the true nature of this reality. By observing the breath one comes aware of the perpetual changes involved in breathing and the arising and passing away of mindfulness. This is then followed by observation of bodily sensations and their nature of arising and passing away. This is done, at one-hour intervals, sitting still and observing, ten hours a day. So at the end of a ten-day Vipassana meditation retreat, you have mindfully observed your body and breath for 100 hours and talked to no one about your experience except the Vipassana teacher who more often than not answers questions with a Zen koan.
Sarnath is located about 6 miiles north-east of Varanasi. After attaining enlightenment at Bodh Gaya the Buddha went to Sarnath; and it was here that he preached his first discourse in the deer park to set in motion the ‘Wheel of the Dharma’. It is one of the most holy sites as in this place the stream of the Buddha’s teaching first flowed.
Sarnath is also, coincidently (NOT) where I choose to attend my first 10 day silent Vipassan retreat. This is my recounting of the event:
Sarnath Center Meditation Pagoda
Day 2 Vipassana – my body wants to wander more than my mind. I remember my body being really antsy and I was moving around a lot in the beginning. Also, since we weren’t allowed to keep any writing materials nor journals, I had so many thoughts and ideas racing around in my head, along with the fidgety moving body, that I knew if I didn’t do a mind dump, I would keep the chattering monkeys inside trying to remember all the ideas that were passing through.
My body wants to wander more than my mind. Evening day 2 – like battle star Galactica hits exploding on an LCD screen, the UFO (unidentified feelings observed) kept emerging in my Bermuda triangle that was my nose, carefully observed, then disappeared forever – annica!
Day 3 – It felt like a worm was pulsating/vibrating through my upper lip (inside, going from side to side, I observed not with equanimity because ti was too cool) . Then later, the whole triangle area that was my nose and upper lip, began to vibrate. And once again, I forget to observe with equanimity as the sensation was once again, too cool. Then, while resting in my room, I woke up from a very light nap to the sensation of what seemed like a small cat on my stomach. I couldn’t shake the sensation. Even when I tried to brush it away, the sensation of weight upon my stomach remained until I got up.
Two questions for the teacher:
1. doesn’t the observer effect the observed?
A. Observe anyway
2. How does the positive energy tie into the 7 chakras?
A. This (vipassana) is real, observed; not imaginary (like the chakras?)
Courtyard of the Women's Bungalows
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Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey Yoga Meditation India
Walk to the dining room from the women’s area.
Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey Yoga Meditation India
Our daily meditation hall – women’s entrance
Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey Yoga Meditation India
Inside the empty meditation hall. Men on the left, women on the right.
Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey Yoga Meditation India
Entrance to the women’s area.
Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey Yoga Meditation India
My room when I arrived.
Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey Yoga Meditation India
My room, once I got it all set up with a necessary mosquito net.
Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey Yoga Meditation India
Our “hot water heater”.
Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey Yoga Meditation India
No one talked or even looked at you.
Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey Yoga Meditation India
Outside the entrance to the men’s dining room.
Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey
If you’ve been to a Vipassana before, you don’t eat after lunch.
Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey Yoga Meditation India
The meditation pagoda.
Vipassana 2017 IndiOdyssey Yoga Meditation India
Where we washed our dishes after a meal.
Day 4 – Best Morning yet. Found the “Comatose Monkey Pose” to be very helpful (Devin and I once observed a money, looking very comatose, sitting in the middle of a busy road in downtown Vrindavan. He had cookies scattered all around him, like it was a sugar comatose. We still laugh about this image! Should have taken a photo, but we were in a shared auto with somebody else and didn’t want to stop.)
Focused on upper lip, trance like state, observed expanded, swollen upper monkey lip, images of Hanuman and then the comatose monkey, which prompted the pose. Later, it felt like a banner being unfurled across my lip from left to right. Feeling good, but don’t hold on, just observe. This morning, when I focused on upper lip and when my mind wandered, it came back quickly. Also, pain in legs and back is pretty much gone for now! (Or maybe not focused on it so it too goes) . Can sit in lotus or comatose monkey pose for extended periods of time.
Afternoon disaster – like having taken a day hike around Sarnath, then told to climb Mt Everest!! In a very boring, repetitive voice and phrases we were lead by Goenka through a complete body scan lasting about one and a half hours – so boring – and we were told not to move even a little bit! Carolina, the girl behind me, was in sobbing tears by the end and Marta, to my left, stormed out at the end, slamming the door behind her, to show her displeasure with the whole event. We were all set up for failure. It was a joke! Nobody could do it!
By evening time, pain and failure had subsided and Goenka once again redeemed himself through his knowledge and humor during evening video presentation. Doing a body scan this evening (NOT guided by Goenka) was great! My face and scalp a virtual minefield of fireworks, starbursts and pulsations. I had taken two Motrin after the guided Vipassana, I was so pissed – bad Sankara. But I think it made the last meditation more successful (bareable). Also, a rub with Tiger Balm before bed. (I am cheating?!)
Day 5 – Vipassana – its hard to feel the subtle whispers of sensations when your body is screaming from posture induced pain. Buddha was probably almost naked when he sat uner the tree and scanned. It’s hard to feel the puffs of pixie dust when I’ve got dynamite going off in my back and jackhammers at my knees. I think Goenka is a poet at heart, he talks with such alliteration then sometimes I think he’s count chocula, or even a drunk Irishman. They want us to meditate 24 hours a day – no way my mind needs a break. Meditation is hard on the mind and body. I ‘m finding I can do body sweep on the head and face really well. Starting out freah in the lotus, I observe inch “crown” it becomes very heavy, then I go back head, side head, and at this point it’s getting really heavy and my head feels like its leaning to the right; when I finished going around my head, it feels like I have a heavy metal cap on very heavy weighing down on my head, Same thing with my face; by the time I’m finished with it, it feels like I have a mask on and these sensations typically stay awhile, so I feel like I’m wearing a metal cap and face mask!
Attachment and craving (aversion, too) is the root of all misery. Every time the body’s senses come in contact with something a sensation is created and we either crave (like) or averse (dislike) its carving that leads to attachment; any attachment is bound to create misery because everything is impermanent. The greater the attachment, the greater the misery. Deepak’s spiritual law of Detachment. Today I asked the teacher ‘ what happens when the enlighted person dies?” He said, “Keep watching videos” . of course an answer never did come.
Day 6 scan up and down. Once I learned the purpose of pain and how to deal with it, this morning sitting was much easier. Scanning head, face, and legs many sensations but torso and arms very little sensations, basically just that of clothing. sensations from the outside, not bubbling up from the inside.
Question for instructor today: “Will I be a boring person with no opinion, no likes or dislikes?” coz I don’t think I would like that! Besides, my life is not that miserable! He said it’s ok to have desires, they weren’t the same as cravings, and it would all become clear and I would understand…later… You must take action, desires are good, think of Vipassana as you sentinal guard for life.
Trying to avoid pain in Vipassana is like trying to see the forest through the trees. you’re not supposed to avoid pain or try to ameliorate it, you observe it – Punya (wisely) with total equanimity – objectively knowing it too shall pass. Like a CCTV just scanning the location and reporting back, make no subject value judgments.
Sometimes I just want to lay down and let the monkeys chatter. In what felt like a prison drug deal, Marta walks on the path, slowly with head down towards me, our eyes never meeting, she holds out a small package for me to take as I walk by. instinctively I grab and keep walking down the path in the opposite direction. I look at the proffered gift – earplugs! she had heard me tell the teacher about all the noise going on around which he seemed totally oblivious to. Wedding season is on and a wedding garden (no, two!!) are right next door to our otherwise peaceful bucolic compound.
I got a second sheet! When I arrived I had to make the difficult decision either to use the one sheet they gave me as a bottom sheet or a barrier sheet between me and the woolen blanket they gave me. I choose to sleep on the bare mattress. I’ll sleep like a baby tonight – contraband Motrin, slipped ear plugs and now a top and bottom sheet plus two blankets (got another one as the nights are getting colder)
Adhistthana – strong determination. I did it today! No moving, not once for an entire hour.
“Rolling and rolling in the sense pleasures we keep tying knots. Observing, observing, observing we open all the knots.”
Knots, of course, are the excruciatingly painful sensations arising in our knees and back.
Adhistthana again! This early morning I was able to sit for an hour, completely still. Am I craving it? I am craving for Goenka to stop chanting in the morning, so I can MOVE and then go get breakfast.
Day 7 cont . I am craving for Goenka to stop chanting in the morning so I can untwist (open all the knots) my numb legs. Often confused scanning there what are fingers, what are toes? which foot belongs to which leg. Everything is usually very numb and confusing by the time my mind gets to scanning down there. Funny though, as soon as I stand up, everything is fine. There is no lingering pain except for in my back. Nothing has fallen asleep and must to my surprise, there has been no permanent damage done to my feet and legs! Sat still all morning – first time for adhitthana, yay!
There’s a drum corp practicing behind the wall right outside my window, very enthusiastically probably about 30 feet away. Not very meditative. This afternoon, they appeared many were “off” When I came here it looked like nothing but farms and fields. Now it sounds like a constant rave party going on til the wee hours and whooping and hollering even at 4:30 am meditation. They are there. It reminds me now, when I listen to some “Vipassana” meditation on “Insight Timer” and people are complaining about barking dogs and other “disturbing” noises, I think “That in vipassana we are taught to observe observe observe and not to judge, so if there is a dog barking or cell phone ringing, that is what is happening at the moment, that is an auditory sensation, just observe and don’t judge and get back to body scanning or observing your breathe. I sat this morning and realized that I hear dogs almost always barking (in India it is a fact of life like the garbage and pee everywhere) but people in the west or certainly in the USA would have a conniption fit if their neighbor’s dog was barking one tiny little bit. Anicca Anicca!
Anyhow, I can’t wait to look outside the walls to see the party going on.
Day 7 – night video, Goenka said yogis need only to lay down and scan sensations. That is enough sleep. Don’t worry if you can’t sleep. Sleep is to rest the body and the mind. If you are laying down, then you are resting the body and if you are scanning, you are resting and rejuvenating the mind. You don’t need to go “unconscious” and sleep. You can function fully well, in fact better, if you mediate scan the body all night long. So don’t get upset when you can’t sleep, just scan! He must have known there was a party going on beyond the stone wall. it was very appropriate and timely information.
Equanimous Equanimous!
Day 8 – a long time ago, someone figured out how to make money from people who were having a hard time following “the Path” and ti was called “Religion” (look up the etymology of religion………………1.)
Christ came to show the way, not establish bickering sects. Devotion to Christ means being Christ-like. That is the ultimate service you can offer Jesus, become like him.
Feeling less like having a beer and pizza when I get home (That feeling passed quickly – as soon as I got into Delhi, I went straight to pahar ganj and had a beer and chicken wings.) . And then pizza and beer the next night with Devin when I got home)
Words on the bulletin board today:
“Deeper the craving, deeper is the aversion. Deep the aversion, deeper is the affliction.”
The ultimate goal of a meditator is an equanimous mind. If somebody says something that makes you feel upset, check your body, scan for breathing and sensations and bring your mind back to balance, equanimous. Also, observe the truth, if your mnd wanders, remain equanimous for the truth.
Gross sensation will release aversion sankaras, so the pain is necessary! View it like a CCTV, just observe! Don’t feel aversion for pain, it is impermanent anyways! Nor feel craving for pleasure – keep mind balanced.
The grossest gross pain I have right now is in my upper back, middle left, like from my lower neck to scapula. It’s so painful and it does come and go, which surprises me still since it is so painful when it is here! Then of course, my knees and hip joints. When I get up, my leg pain is gone, but the back pain remains.
Did jesus really expect people to follow him through sheer will power? He didn’t seem to leave any tools to help his devotees…
continuing on Day 7 with thoughts of Jesus. Did Jesus really expect people to follow him through sheer willpower alone? He didn’t seem to leave any tools to help his devotees. I mean really, he can say “love thy neighbor as thyself”. but how can you really do this if you HATE your neighbor and your neighbor is a big asshole? Oh sure, you can go through the motions of loving thy neighbor, but underneath, seething in your belly, you really hate him and resentment grows. You can’t keep this hidden. So how does Jesus expect us to do this? And yes, he always admitted it was easy to love the lovable but very hard to love the unlovable and he even said yes this is hard but this is what I am asking you to do, but he gives no way, no directions for doing this totally contradictory human unnatural thing. What I think more likely happened were the greedy men who saw a way to make money from a “religion” left out the instructions on meditation, chanting, etc. ways that you can reach the depths of the roots and become a truly compassionate person in your heart!! Like Jesus was! We know many books and teaching were left out or omitted from the Bible (to consolidate power in the hands of a few men!! I think). Did early Jesus devotees meditate? Jesus meditated often, and that is mentioned in the Bible, but we are not given instructions on how to meditate. Or that we should even meditate, just that Jesus did it. Jesus could have easily gone to India (well, it was not that easy back then, but certainly doable and people did travel a lot it just took them all year to get from one place to another). So Jesus could have gone to India and learn Vipassana meditation as it was being taught and practiced readily there at the time of Jesus. But if people were taught to follow Jesus by meditating, how on earth would the churches survive and the greedy men running them? how would they get money if the individual people learned to become enlightened like Jesus, on their own individual path? This would never work for the institution of the church. Christ told us to love our neighbor as ourselves, but he never gave us the tools to do this…or did he? Loving a horrible neighbor with willpower alone will only get you so far. Your action may be there, but what is in your heart?
Before photo of me and Vipassana friend.
The teacher was talking about how calm and peaceful it was here in this setting (and how hectic and noisy it is outside in the real world) . and when we get back to the outside world we will have to face the turmoil and chaos. I’m like WTF?! and come to find out later, so was everybody else. on what planet is he meditating? Does he not hear the incredibly loud cacophony of the Indian rave music blaring around us all day and night?? Seriously?!? I thought he was supposed to be dealing in reality, the truth, the here and now, what is happening, but I guess not this time.
Day 9 . It certainly is getting easier and easier to sit, not necessarily because there is not pain (gross snesations) but I’m just getting better at anicca (this too shall pass, everything arises then goes away, impermanence. the sensation of just coming and going). Today’s instruction felt like we missed about 10 days of instruction inbetween. He talked anout flowing subtle sensations and all the gross sensations are broken down to their smallest subatomic part (kalapa) and now all is vibrating and there is free flow throughout the entire body. And then he said “Ok, now you will piecre the body and go inside for sensations, front-to-back and side-to-side, etc. WTF?!? We were even to go inside our spinal cord and it would ultimately be vibrating.
My body…a mass of quivering jello…
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